By Roger Collins

Cast: GREG and NANCY, a casually dressed, youngish unmarried couple.

Time: New Year’s Eve, 2022

Place: downtown Cincinnati, OH

Set: the limited view of a hotel room represented by two adjacent chairs facing the audience. One chair holds the hotel’s festive welcome basket.

Synopsis: A young unmarried couple arrive at their hotel room to continue their New Year’s Eve celebration and end up making memories of the evening’s planned and unplanned surprises.

Copyright 2023 Collins

At Rise:

GREG and NANCY enter their hotel room, each carrying a small suitcase. They stop and face the audience and appear to be listening for something. Very faint party music is barely audible. The music fades and eventually disappears during their initial dialog as indicated.

NANCY
I knew we’d hear them! (Beat.) Do you?

GREG
(Listening)
Not really.

(They place their suitcases
beside the chairs. Music fades.)

GREG (Continued)
Faintly, maybe. Maybe. They’re not gonna party all night. Hotel regulations.

(Music is gone.)

NANCY
So says Miss Front Desk!
(Listening)
I swear I can hear them.

GREG
Well, like she said, the hotel’s full, so we’re stuck on the second floor. Me, I was hoping for their Wonderland Suite, but –

NANCY
And I didn’t appreciate her little joke. “You’ll have your choice of rooms tomorrow!” Knowing full well we’re here for only one night.

GREG
Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, Babe. Guess there’ll be rooms to spare tomorrow night.
(Stage-whispered aside)
Cheaper, too, no doubt.

NANCY
And she, staring at my naked ring finger all the while.

GREG
Nancy, please. It’s 2023. No one cares if an unmarried couple share a hotel room these days. These decades! Not even Miss Front Desk.

NANCY
Well, still…she was making a point of it, staring like that.

GREG
(Hugs NANCY)
It’s New Year’s Eve, Babe. Once a year!

NANCY
I know, I know…I’m sorry. It’s just that…they’re crashing our party.

(GREG shrugs, not understanding)

NANCY (Continued)
That band downstairs! Their music! If you wanna call it that!

GREG
Okay, okay.
(Ends their embrace and picks up
the welcome basket on the chair.)

GREG (Continued)
Ain’t this a nice touch?
(GREG shows items to NANCY.)
Alka Seltzer. (Beat.) Pepto Bismol tabs. (Beat.) Clear Eyes…Gets the red out! Oh, a note.
(Reads)
Hangovers only last a day…memories last a lifetime!
(Pretends to search.)
No earplugs.

NANCY
Oh, you’re just a laugh riot! An absolute laugh riot!

(GREG gives NANCY a hug,
then carries the basket offstage)
(NANCY places her suitcase on a chair
and pulls out a few toiletries and departs
offstage. She returns emptyhanded.
Greg’s suitcase remains untouched.)

NANCY (Continued)
(Calling to GREG)
What you up to?
GREG
(From offstage):
Looking for the “Do Not Disturb” sign.
(Returns)
We don’t seem to have one.

NANCY
(Sarcastically)
How ironic! No Do Not Disturb sign?! (Then playfully) Why don’t you call Miss Front Desk?

(GREG pulls out his cell, calls,
and waits. NANCY pulls flannel
sleepwear from her suitcase.)

(Pause)

GREG
No answer.

NANCY
They’re definitely not gonna like the number of stars I give them on my ‘rate-this-hotel.’

(GREG places his suitcase on a chair,
and notices NANCY’s flannel sleepwear.)

GREG
How romantic! Not!

NANCY
It’s winter in Cincinnati, Greg! Who knows about the room’s heating?

GREG
But what about that lingerie I –

NANCY
(Lifting a lacy negligée from her suitcase.)
Though I wonder who exactly you did buy this for – you or me?!

GREG
Us!
(He pulls two candles w/candleholders
from NANCY’s suitcase and holds them up.)

GREG (Continued)
And I suppose you were wondering about the room’s lighting?

(They laugh and hug. GREG hands the
candles to NANCY, she poses with them,
and GREG takes her photo with his cell.)

GREG (Continued)
Let’s remember everything about this evening, Babe. Everything!

NANCY
Like dinner?!

GREG
Delicious.

NANCY
Absolutely! (Beat.) Remember our appetizer?

GREG
Something with peas in it.

NANCY
Close! Crisp tendrils of pea shoots! (Beat.) And the pasta?

GREG
Angel hair!

NANCY
Chilled angel hair! Chilled angel hair with a dollop of…wait for it…ikura. Ikura?

(They laugh)

NANCY (Continued)
(Playfully)
How about the name of that band downstairs?

(Popping sound ~ gunshot .)

NANCY (Continued)
What was that?

GREG
(Shakes his head)
Fireworks, maybe.
(Walks offstage)

(Beat.)

NANCY
See anything?

(GREG returns, shaking his head.)

NANCY (Continued)
Indoor fireworks? (Beat.) Is that even allowed?

GREG
I would hope not!

(Popping sound heard.)

(GREG & NANCY baffled)

NANCY
What the –? (Beat.) Champagne? Cork popping?

GREG
In the hall?

(NANCY shrugs)

(Popping sound heard.)

NANCY
Jesus Christ! (Beat.) Gunshot?!

GREG
Oh, please, Nance. Calm down.

NANCY
Calm down? (Beat.) Call the front desk!

(GREG pulls out his
cell, calls, and waits).

(GREG shrugs)

NANCY
The police! Call the police!

GREG
Really?

NANCY
Yes, really! 911!

GREG
(Taps his cell. Pause.
Speaking to his cell.)
Hello. Hello, yes – uh – we’re at the Belvedere – you know, the hotel – and we think we heard
…
(Turns to NANCY…They shrug at each other)

…. well…we’re not sure what we heard. Gunshots? Maybe. (Beat.) Pardon? (Beat.) No, inside the hotel. Pretty sure inside.

(Glances at NANCY who
nods in agreement.)

Yeah. Inside. (Beat.) The address?! I don’t know… the Belvedere! Near the university! (Beat.) Yes, just now. I don’t know – we’re in our room.

NANCY
(Stage-whispering)
Don’t give ‘em our room number!

GREG
(On his cell.)
I’m not sure.
(To NANCY)
How many? Shots, I mean.

NANCY
I don’t know exactly! Shots plural!

GREG
(To his cell)
Three or four maybe. (Beat.) In the hall…I think. (Beat.) Yes…we’re in our room.

NANCY
(Stage-whispering)
Don’t give ‘em our number! Or your name!

GREG
(To his cell.)
No, no, no, no – I don’t wanna do that. You have enough? No, no. (Beat.) I’m gonna hang up now. (Beat.) I’m hanging up! (Clicks off his cell.)

NANCY
They’ll be right over, right?

GREG
Of course. (Beat.) I assume they will.

NANCY
Assume?!

GREG
How could they not come?

(GREG walks offstage).

NANCY
What…where…what are you doing?!

(Beat.)

GREG
Peephole. (Beat.) I don’t see –

NANCY
Get away from the –

(Popping sound heard.)

(GREG returns.)

NANCY (Continued)
Jesus! We should hide!

(Grabs GREG’s arm and they scoot and kneel
on opposite sides of the chairs, facing each
other, but staring toward where they’d entered.)

NANCY (Continued)
Jesus Christ, this is crazy! (Beat.) Did it sound close?

(GREG shrugs)

GREG
Listen, Nancy –

NANCY
(Straining to listen)
What? What?! I don’t hear anything.

(GREG pulls out a jewelry box
and holds it high for NANCY
[and the audience] to see.)

NANCY (Continued)
(Confused, bewildered)
Huh…? What? (Beat.) Is that what I think it is?

GREG
Well, these aren’t exactly the circumstances I had in mind, but –

NANCY
Of course, these aren’t the circumstances, Greg! We’re in the middle of…
(Waves her arms around.)
We’re in the middle of this.

GREG
(Waving the jewelry box)
But this is what tonight was supposed to be all about. For us! Before this…
(He waves his arms around.)
… before this shitshow.

NANCY
(Turns her attention to the entryway.)
Shhhh. (Beat.) You hear that?

(Beat.)

(GREG shakes his head)

NANCY (Continued)
(Still staring toward the entryway)
Shhh!

(GREG gently holds NANCY’S
face and pulls her gaze to him).

(NANCY turns back toward the entryway.)

(GREG again moves NANCY’s gaze to him.
GREG and NANCY are now eye to eye.)

GREG
You are numero uno in my life.

NANCY
Greg, please. I love you, too, but…
(She turns back toward the entryway.)

GREG
(Gently pulls her face back to him.)
But?

NANCY
(Pointing to the entryway)
But…but…. We’ve got a…I mean…we’ve got –

GREG
We’ve got each other.

NANCY
(Pointing to the entryway)
I mean out there!

GREG
I know! I know! But I mean in here! You and me – in here!

(GREG reaches across the chairs
and holds NANCY’s hand.)

GREG (Continued)
No matter what happens –

NANCY
(Pulling back.)
Aye! No, no, no! Don’t talk like that!

GREG
I don’t mean…. I’m not talking about… (Beat.) I’m talking about love. Our love. Our love within this…this…
(He shrugs, uncertain)

NANCY
Madness?

GREG
Yes! Our love within this madness. Despite this madness. (Beat.) We live in two worlds, Babe. Ours…ours and…
(Gestures toward the entrance.)
… and the world outside.

NANCY
But see …see how it intrudes…the…the…

GREG
I know, I know. The madness…the diseases…the pollution…the…the…the desperation…

NANCY
Yes, yes…all of it! The world outside intrudes!

GREG
So, let’s make our world as loving as we can.

NANCY
(Pointing to the entrance)
But…but it’s right out there –

GREG
Because it’s right out there!

NANCY
But it’s right outside …right outside our door!

GREG
Maybe we can lend it some of our love. The world outside, I mean. Maybe that might help. Your…your art. Your painting. And my…my…well, I’m working on that.

NANCY
And hope they appreciate it.

(They turn to the entryway. All is quiet.
They relax a little; turn to each other.)

NANCY (Continued)
(Takes the jewelry box from GREG and opens it.)
Marriage?

GREG
Well, I know this isn’t original, but…
(Reciting)
‘You are my other half.’
(They embrace arms
across the chairs)

NANCY
Aren’t I supposed to be your better half?

GREG
Don’t get greedy!
(Again, they embrace.)
But I do really mean my other half, Nancy. As in, you make me whole. And I hope I do the same for you.

NANCY
You’re the one I want my future life with.
(Glances toward the entryway.)
I only hope we can find some kind of peace between our world and the one outside. Some sort of, what? Truce? Treaty?

GREG
Ceasefire.

(NANCY strains to listen outside.)

NANCY
I don’t hear anything. (Beat.) But there was something.

GREG
No doubt! I guess…I guess there’ll always be something. Out there, I mean. There’ll always be something out there as a possible threat.

(Hushed voices from the hallway startle them .)

NANCY
Listen! (Beat.) Shhh!

(Pause – hushed voices continue)

(GREG begins to stand, but NANCY pulls
him back. GREG stands anyway and walks
offstage [to where they’d entered the room.])

NANCY (Continued)
(Calling after him)
Greg. …Greg!

(Offstage knock at their door)
NANCY (Continued)
(Stage whispered)
Don’t open it!

GREG
(Muttered at low volume from offstage)
Oh. Yes, yes. I see. (Beat.) No, no. No need… (Beat.) I understand. (Beat.) Yes, of course…. I will. (Beat.) I’ll tell her.

(Sound of door closed. )

(GREG walks on stage holding a bouquet
of confetti-filled balloons. He poses.)

GREG (Continued)
And sometimes …
(Dramatic pause,
lifts the bouquet)
…the world outside brings gifts. Surprise gifts.

(GREG pops one of the balloons
and NANCY jumps. She grabs the
the jewelry box, runs to GREG, and
repeatedly thumps him with it.)

NANCY
What the fuck, Greg! What the fuck! (Beat.) Is this your idea of a joke?!

GREG
No, no, no – don’t blame me! This is the Belvedere’s Happy New Year surprise. Gracefully passed along to hotel guests by –
(Dramatically)
Miss Front Desk!

NANCY
Miss Front…?! Shouldn’t she be downstairs answering the damn phone?!

GREG
Well, it’s New Year’s Eve. Guess the staff’s out celebrating. But management invested in these bouquets, and by God, they’re being delivered.

(NANCY sits on a chair; GREG sits beside her.).

NANCY
So, the shots….

(GREG lifts the balloon bouquet and
dangles several popped balloons.)

GREG
I could call the police and let…them…. you know…

(NANCY gives GREG a withering stare.)

GREG (Continued)
…or…or let them find out for themselves.

(NANCY looks at the jewelry box in her
hand, opens it, and admires the contents.)

NANCY
Numero uno, huh? (Beat.) Hmm. Makes me wonder. (Beat.) How many numeros are on your list?

GREG
No, no, no – I didn’t mean –

NANCY
I know, I know. But you did say something about remembering everything about this evening.

GREG
Ain’t no way we gonna forget this evening!
(Places his hand over
NANCY’s and the box.)
Including…who you want to spend your future life with.

NANCY
Well…I do remember saying that. (Beat.) But that was before your…
(Gestures toward the balloon bouquet)
…your balloon-popping stunt.

GREG
Oh, Babe – you’re not gonna hold that against me, are you? I mean…how could I resist?

NANCY
And neither can I.

(NANCY hugs GREG)
—End of Play—